Doubt
by TerraZeal
Summary: Castiel and Dean finally admit their feelings for each other. Chuck's writing is really bad. R/R.


_**Author's Note:** To the person who guessed I get inspiration for these ficlets from the reruns, you're absolutely right, but if you WATCH the reruns and its not your first time watching them, you can't deny the passion between Dean and Cas, especially in the episode this is based off of. Castiel ACTUALLY ADMITS ON TV that he cares about Dean. As close to a canon admission of love between them as you can get. I just HAD to write about it._

_Doubt_

"_Find someone else. Its not me. I'm not strong enough." Dean said, hopelessness washing over him as he sank into unconsciousness. "Its always been you, Dean...always. For me, at least. It just took me this long to figure it out." Castiel ran a soft hand over Dean's wet cheek. Tears. Castiel was beginning to learn what they were, and he had so many of them for Dean. His own tears trailed down his cheeks, silently, softly trickling and disappearing once they fell onto Dean's chest. _

Chuck sighed. His writing was awful. It was a good thing they had stopped publishing his work. He really didn't want this published at all. He knew, of course, all about what happened there, about the angel killings, about Uriel being a traitor, but in a way, Uriel was right. God HAD abandoned them. For that, Chuck couldn't help but feel at least a little remorse. Uriel would be sent back to Heaven in the end, resurrected and put under guard of his superiors, but he would see the Light in the end, when God returned to Heaven to put the mess back into order.

Right now, there were more important things to write about than Uriel's future punishment or lack of it. He grimaced as he looked at his writing once again. It looked like a really bad Destiel fanfic, but it was real, and it was happening. He just couldn't seem to pick out the right words. It was far easier when he had Luke or one of the real prophets writing books. He seemed to suck at it. Badly.

For someone who had created humans and the entire world, or universe for that matter, he really WAS a terrible hack writer. No wonder his books hadn't sold. He could have made them sell, but that would have negated the whole free will thing, and anyway, they'd be the Winchester Gospels in the end of course and every religious figure under the sun would read them.

They were coming here, soon. He'd already decided that he would write himself in as a prophet to avoid uncomfortable conversations and pretend to be a shabby drunk. He'd made sure the amulet thing wouldn't work either. He'd taken all necessary precautions. He sighed and went back to looking in on Dean and Cas at the hospital, computer closed for now. Chuck could always remember what had happened anyway. Right now, he just wanted to see for himself. He closed his eyes and zoned in on the hospital.

Dean was stirring, recovering far faster from the near-deadly wounds than the doctors had thought possible. His blurry eyes blinked open to a, shockingly, welcome sight. At first he had thought of Sam, but it wasn't. It was Castiel. He remembered falling into unconsciousness with Castiel still sitting there, but he had expected the angel to vanish as soon as he passed out. This certainly was odd.

"Cas...what are you still doing here? I'd thought you'd have vanished, along with your new BFF Anna." There was an almost jealous undertone in Dean's voice that he didn't quite like.

"Anna and I aren't friends, or anything of the sort. Please put the notion out of your mind. She helped me once, that is all. I stayed to make sure you were okay. Anna...she helped me realize that I was developing...feelings. She was right." Cas didn't say anymore. Letting Dean absorb this.

"Yeah? So the dick with wings can feel emotions now? At least SOME emotions? Good for you. So uh, you and Anna got rid of junkless, eh?"

"Yes, Uriel is gone. I don't know if its forever, but for now, he will trouble us no more." Cas stared resolutely in front of him, not facing Dean for fear of letting his true feelings show.

"What's up with you? These new emotions getting in the way of your 'mission from God'?" Dean sneered, as much as he could with all the tubes in him.

Cas turned and faced Dean. "Yes. I told you before. I was demoted because of my...feelings...for you." He blushed and once again swiveled the chair away from Dean, not wanting to see the disgusted look on his face. Cas felt a hand on his back, lightly touching him as it were all he could manage.

"Don't be ashamed of feeling, Cas. Especially not for me. Turn around Cas, please. Look at me. Please." Cas couldn't deny Dean's pleading voice and swiveled the chair back around, facing the elder Winchester brother, the GOOD one, HIS Dean. Dean reached for Cas, as much as he could, around the tubes and Ivs he was hooked up to. Cas helped by leaning into him, careful not to injure him. He wished he could heal him, but he couldn't. He had to watch his Dean lay in this hospital, hurt, near death, and he couldn't do anything about it.

He wrapped Dean in a careful hug. "I'm sorry, Dean. Truly sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt. I didn't want you torture Alastair. I didn't want you to remember. I didn't want you to hear-" Dean shushed Cas by pressing a finger to his lips.

"I know you didn't. I know that now. So just shut up or I'll make you shut up." It was hard, being this near to Cas and being able to deny his feelings. So he didn't. He'd almost died. He wasn't going to anymore. He wanted to live. He wanted Cas. Cas was stronger than him, almost infinitely stronger, but Dean still managed to pull him closer to his face, into another kiss, one that Cas reciprocated.

"Dean...you know...I don't want you hurt. If I could heal you, I would." He whispered against Dean's lips, he too no longer denying his feelings.

"In the end, I guess your doubts turned out to be a good thing."

Cas sighed, pulling away from Dean. "We can't tell your brother, you know. He already hates us, angels."

Dean nodded. "I don't plan on telling him. Not yet. He kept Ruby a secret for awhile. You can be my secret."

"Your secret huh? But not a lie? I can't lie, you know. If Sam asks-" Dean interrupted him.

"He won't ask. We'll just keep pretending to hate each. I'll just keep saying you're a dick with wings and you can just keep saying I'm a tool ya'll up there are using. Though uh, you CAN use me in any way you want..." He trailed off, almost giggling at Cas's blush.

"I'll be your secret, Dean. You're why they demoted me. I don't regret it for a second. I would give up everything for you. I think my superiors know that. They know I care for you. I told you that before...before the incident between you and Alastair. Maybe you didn't know what I meant by caring for you at the time, but now you do. And there is no going back for me. I can't stop loving you, Dean Winchester. Not ever." As if to prove this, Cas again softly kissed Dean, careful not to disrupt the human tubes that were making him healthy again. His doubts were true. Anna was right. In several ways. She had wanted to make love with Dean. So did he. Feelings. Doubts. Maybe now, he was fallen. Maybe he would be next on the list of angels to get rid of. He didn't care. He would fight them. He would fight Heaven and Hell for Dean.

Back in the ramshackle house, Chuck opened his eyes. It was all going perfectly. His children were finding feelings, doubts, love. Uriel hadn't, but perhaps he would in the end. Castiel would fight for Dean, and Dean for him. They would go through Hell for each other if it came down to it. Chuck was right in choosing Castiel to watch over Dean, to appear to him. No other angel, not even Anna, would have appealed to Dean the way Castiel did. Anna...he would forgive her, of course. He had never given the order to kill her. Michael likely did. Chuck knew what would befall his older son in the end, so had of course done nothing.

Still...Anna had to die in the end, even if she was forgiven for the Fall. She had saved the Winchesters, but she didn't know that she would also try and kill them, prevent their very existence, in the future, or past. Sometimes it all ran together for Chuck. Thats why he had tried writing, to help ease the constant running together of past, present, and future.

Castiel and Dean...his hope for the future and his children. Castiel would, unknown to him at this point, give everything up for Dean in the end. His doubts would lead to his happiness, though. It was all any father could want. His children to be happy.


End file.
